Streetlamp Confessions
by FadingIntoYou
Summary: What if she didn't know that the kiss wasn't just because he was drunk? What if it was more than that?
1. Avery's Move

I'm not profiting off this, and the characters are kind of like the tiger I wanted when I was 6…not mine and never will be, but don't think that stopped me from putting it on my Christmas list :] I know this is kinda anti-Owen, but believe me it could go either way

FYI: this leaves off right after Jackson kisses Cristina, AU after she walks out of the room

Walking out of her bedroom, Cristina Yang couldn't help but wonder when the hell her actions decided to have a mind of their own. Being alone in her bedroom with a Mercy West doctor was not a good thing, and letting said doctor, that was drunk, kiss her was a huge mistake on her part. Leaning her back against the closed door, she suddenly felt as if there wasn't enough oxygen in the apartment; she grabbed her jacket and snuck out the front door. Once she got outside, she started to really understand what happened. Pacing back and forth, Cristina finally let it all sink in; Jackson had kissed her. _Avery just had me pinned against a wall and I let him stick his tongue down my throat. What. The. Hell. I told him I was involved, but that doesn't seem to be a good enough reason anymore. _What Cristina failed to notice was that in the shadow of the doorway to the building was Jackson Aver y, trying to suppress his laughter at the sight of Cristina tugging on her dark curls and talking to herself.

"All I've ever wanted to do was open people up and repair their damaged cardiac muscles. Now I'm fighting for meaningless surgeries that I never wanted in the first place with amateurs in those stupid orange scrubs, and a boyfriend who doesn't……". Cristina paused mid- stride and let that instant feeling of panic set in for a second.

_Oh god. Owen. How am I supposed to tell him? Or, do I tell him…._

"You seem troubled Yang, anything I can do?"

Avery finally pulls himself out of the shadows and into the light of the street lamp so Cristina can acknowledge his presence. He saunters up to her, giving her just enough space to move if needed, but close enough to see the playful glint in his eyes, combined with something she couldn't quite place.

"Haven't you done enough, oh intoxicated one? Or are you back to pay me compliments using the same adjective repeatedly?" she asked with an annoyed expression on her face, waiting for him to answer her, all the while having the overwhelming urge to wipe that smug grin off his face by any means necessary.

"No need to get hostile, it's not like you didn't like it" his smug grin was a full blown smile by now as he watched her go back to pacing, trying to ignore him again, unsuccessfully.

"Did it even register in your brain that maybe I was shocked and didn't have the chance to push you away sooner?"

"Come on Yang, you grabbed me just like I grabbed you. If you didn't want it, you could have said no."

"I did. I told you that I'm involved."

She finally stood still and faced Avery, crossing her arms in front of her, appearing a lot smaller than she was. Her hair was blowing in the gentle fall wind, and made Avery physically flinch from the overwhelming urge to just grab her and kiss her again. That surge of passion towards her was a surprising, but not unwelcome feeling that he wanted to embrace. He could tell by the thoughtful expression on her face that she was deep in thought, and took that opportunity to inch himself closer to her. He wanted to get to know her on a personal level because he was attracted to that confident attitude she has. The attitude that says, "I know I'm amazing, but you can tell me anyway", yet there's an intense, almost desperate need to be taught as well.

"So, if I decided to try and kiss you again, you'd push me away just as fast, if not faster?" he asked with a poorly disguised disappointed face.

"Yes…no, I don't know! What do you want from me? Are you doing this so you can tell all your little preschooler friends that you hooked up with a doctor from this hospital, because if you are…"

"I'm not! You really are dense Dr. Yang, despite the incredibly sexy amount of knowledge you possess. I want you, all of you, not just for one night."

He stood there staring into her eyes, willing her to understand that her as a person is what intrigued him and made him want to know more. Avery slowly pulled a stray piece of hair out of her face, and ran his thumbs over the smooth skin of her jaw line, then across her cheeks, coming to rest on either side of her slender neck. He leaned in closer to her, feeling her shallow breathes on his face, watching her eyes gently fluttered closed and hesitated right before he kissed her. Cristina knew she had to take that step if she wanted to know just how deep his feelings went for her, and leaned the rest of the way in to meet his lips in a tender kiss that was tantalizingly slow, seemingly sucking all the air from her lungs.

As they slowly withdrew, Cristina said, "I have to tell him."

Still caressing her face with his hands, he said that he understood, and to take as long as she needed.

"I'll wait."

As they stood there on the sidewalk under the street lights, they didn't notice the person watching them from the window above, a person that wasn't going to stay unnoticed.


	2. Cristina's Decision

Don't own…still on Christmas list…blah blah blah. There's Spoilers from seasons in this chapter up to right after Teddy and Owens conversation. Total AU after she got up and left. Listen to Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood on repeat for this chapter :]

Alright, I decided that since this story is my baby, and I want to watch it grow. Enjoy and review please.

After that….eventful night, Cristina went back to her apartment and stayed there until she had to return to work on Monday. _I thought after today I could thank Owen for my present, but apparently she's not entirely here for me. _She didn't know how to tell Owen what had happened, and if taking a chance with Avery was really worth it, but after hearing Owen and Desert Storm Barbie's conversation, its worth some thought. With Owen, she had a relatively stable guy that wanted to be there for her in 40 years, but he also had problems for miles, not to mention not being able to fall asleep in his arms. With Avery, there's the chance to start all over again with someone that thinks her intensely stubborn nature and need to be the best is refreshing, all while being able to compete on a level playing field. She once again began pacing in her room, considering every possibility before deciding that this wasn't something she could do by herself. Picking up her phone off the bed, she dialed the one number that could both make her feel better and give her a headache.

"Hey Mer, I need my person and lots of tequila. I'm in my room." With that, Cristina hung up and threw her phone on the bed, switched on the CD player, and fell backwards waiting for the alcohol to arrive.

_He´s a good time cowboy Casanova leaning up against the record machine  
He looks like a cool drink of water but he´s candy coated misery  
He's the devil in disguise a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night  
Gives you feelings you don´t wanna fight you better run for your life _

Opening the unlocked front door, the only thing Meredith could do was wonder if two bottles of tequila were enough. As she slowly made her way into Cristina's room, she noticed her person on the bed, staring at the ceiling as if it had the answers to the universe.

"Cristina, are you ok? You ask for me and tequila, and then you hang up. Seriously… And what are you listening to?" she steps in seeing Cristina's unmoving form, and decides to take off her shoes and join her. Just as her hair is about to hit the pillow Cristina asks,

"Where's the booze?" She turns her head and looks at Meredith expectantly.

The last time Meredith saw that specific look on Cristina's face was when she said she broke up with Owen after the choking incident. After giving her one bottle, and keeping one just in case, she waited for Cristina to talk.

"Desert Sand Barbie thought Owen called her here for a personal relationship and a job" she untwisted the cap and took a long swig of the strong alcohol. Cristina passed Meredith the bottle, then did the same, waiting to see why this would affect her this way.

"Right before that at the surprise party, Avery kissed me" Passing it back, Cristina took another long drink. Meredith now understood why her person looked so lost.

"You kissed a Mercy Wester? Seriously? Cristina, it's not like Hunt did anything."

"She said that she thought he would call after Beth and that it was all in her head. He didn't say anything Mer. But he did feel the need to stand and watch her leave." Another long drink, about as long as the first and second, she then closed the bottle. She goes back to staring at the ceiling waiting for Meredith's inevitable argument.

"He didn't kiss her though! I thought you love Owen; he loves you."

"That's just it! I do love him, but I feel this rush when I'm with Avery, whether we're arguing or just near each other. He's my equal and he challenges me, which Owen can never say he's been able to do. I think there's more to Avery than I thought, and I want that possibility to find out. Owen deserves the possibility to see if there's a relationship with Barbie if he would have stayed. She has 'what ifs' and I think he does too."

"But Cristina…"

"Mer! Be supportive here, I'm willing to give her a chance and still be…me towards her. Owen's a big boy; if we both decide that there's nothing to these…" she made a face, "crushes, then at least we know."

Leaning back again, it started to make sense to Meredith. She could see how Cristina wanted to be able to say it didn't work out; instead of have a horrible ending with Hunt and Avery leaving, she could say she tried. Avery was Cristina's Finn. She needed to know it wasn't something that could be replaced, or wasn't even right to begin with. Sitting up again, she decided to ask the one question that was either going to get her hit with something or buying a lot more tequila;

"So, how do you plan on telling Hunt? Ow!!"

She rubbed the side of her face where Cristina hit her with an exceptionally hard pillow. She then looked over at her, and found her smiling for the first time tonight.

"I'm going to tell him I want a break. That I want him to try and go out with Barbie to see if there's anything there, and that I'm going to do the same. He doesn't like it, oh well."

"You sure that's the best idea? If he finds out its Avery you're with, he's going to make your life hell."

"I want to be able to see if the attraction I have towards Avery is because I'm technically not supposed to, or if it's because he really is someone that gets me. Oh god, if I start getting mushy: smother me please."

Giving her best friend one more look, she laughed and said, "Of course. What else would your person do? But one more thing, why Avery? I get he's hot, not that I've noticed, but….?"

"Seriously? Because he thinks that all the risks I take are sexy and just knowing that he enjoys watching me more than performing himself says something. He's not afraid of me being a badass, he embraces it."

"Okay, then I guess I have to sit and talk to him." noticing Cristina's questioning glance, she adds to her thought, "If he wants to be my person's plus one, I have to know him. I'm making an effort, then he has more than one ally when he fears for his life going into Hunt's OR" Meredith finished her sentence with a laugh that Cristina joined in on because that would be a moment that she wouldn't miss for the world.

As the laughter dies down, Meredith finally realizes that Cristina's CD player has been playing the same song over and over as they talked. She waited and listened for a minute before commenting.

_He's the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eye, and he only comes out at night…._

"Is this country? Wait, snake with blue eyes? You do know they both possess that right?"

"Yep, only difference is that I'm running away from one, and to the other," Cristina said with a smile, and looked forward to a new start tomorrow, both literally and figuratively.

Reviews are appreciated, and if you have an idea for a fic, msg me! I'm open to possibilities with Cristina and Avery :]


	3. Missing Pieces

As Jackson exits the doors of Seattle Grace, he can't help but wonder how the day got so messed up. After his encounter with Cristina, he feels like he's on uneven ground and doesn't know which ways up and that's a new feeling for him. He's used to being the one that knows exactly how he wants everything go, but with Cristina Yang he's finding that more often than not, he's confused beyond belief. On top of that, he's emotionally unstable from the patient he almost lost today. _Mrs. Johnson had a routine surgery on her hand, and yet with her not taking care of it, had to come back to get rid of the infection surgically and flat lining due to the stress of her recent job promotion. _

Walking farther away from the doors, Jackson's too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice that he's the one being watched this time._ On top of all of that, Cristina barely said two words to me all day! What the hell did I do? Oh wait, I know what I did; I fell for this badass cardio god- in- training that just happens to have a boyfriend that is the Head Of Trauma! I'm trying with all the will power I have to get my mind away from her because she's off limits, but nothing I do will let me ignore her presence, let alone ignore whenever Hunt is around her. She just has this energy and intensity that attracts you to her like a moth to a flame. I refuse to go after a woman that is taken, but if she kissed me back, that has to mean I have some kind of chance…_

_**Flashback**_

_As Cristina walked out of the room, Jackson couldn't help but feel the bottom drop out of his stomach as she said that she was involved. He ran through the staff at the hospital in his head quickly, but couldn't pinpoint one person that she was particularly close to other than that girl…Meredith? Yeah, it was just Meredith really. He sat at the edge of her bed wondering who it could be, but then jumped up when he heard the door open. The last person he expected to walk in did, and he was curious._

"_Dr. Hunt, what are you doing in here?" he asked, wondering as to why the Head of Trauma was so comfortable sitting on Cristina's bed. _

"_I'm laying on Dr. Yang's bed, I'm sure she won't mind," as he says this, he gives a small smile that Jackson doesn't miss, "but I think the better question is, what are you doing in here?"_

_As Hunt waited for Jackson's answer, Jackson couldn't help but survey the possible answers that could come out of his mouth. Let's see, I was telling the incredibly sexy Dr. Yang how hot she was, possibly too many times, I kissed said doctor and couldn't forget even if I wanted to the way she felt against me for the rest of my life. And, she has a boyfriend that I was trying to figure out. Oh yeah, that'll go over really well…_

"_Just using the bathroom Dr. Hunt." He turned and reached for the door, but stopped himself to ask a question he was dying to ask,_

"_Do you know who Dr. Yang's boyfriend is? I know it's an inappropriate question, but the curiosity is killing me"_

_Hunt looks down at the beer bottle in his hands and wonders what the correct answer to that question would be. It was between 'mind your own business'; solely for the fact that he didn't know Avery's intentions, and saying, 'I'm her boyfriend' because he wasn't sure if he really deserved that title lately. Taking a deep breath, he said,_

"_Good luck finding out" and with that, Hunt left the room. Jackson waited a second, and then decided that air was exactly what he needed at the moment. The second he crossed the room to the window however, he noticed Cristina pacing like a deranged woman and couldn't help the smile that broke out over his face. She's acting like a crazy woman pacing on the sidewalk, and all I can focus on is how beautiful she looks under the light of the streetlamp. How sappy can one person really get?_

_Laughing to himself, Jackson decided that a little Yang watching was good for the soul, and slipped out the front door to go see her. _

_**End of Flashback**_

"Hello? Calling all preschoolers…Avery!" at her saying his name a little louder than necessary, Jackson turns wearily to an anxious looking Cristina and wonders after all he's had to deal with today, what else she could possibly do.

"Dr. Yang." Jackson isn't used to her making an effort to talk to him outside of work, so he stares at her, trying to gauge her sudden change that seems to be taking a quite a bit of effort to get out of her mouth.

"I, uh…what I mean is…" by now Jackson starts to get irritated and decides to sidestep this entire conversation that is bound to give him a headache.

"I'm going to be late if I don't catch my ride so…" he says as he starts to step around her and towards the parking lot.

"I have a boyfriend." She says, cutting him off and finally looking up at him with an expression that screams for him to understand her place in all of this.

"I'm pretty sure that's been established Yang, I know it's Hunt." He noticed Cristina flinch and couldn't help but feel a small amount of pleasure at the fact that she now can start to understand how he's been feeling. Sighing, he asks,

"You wanna go grab some food with me? I'm tired as hell, but I think what you're trying to get at is more important than sleep right now." he stood in front of her with his hands in his pockets, waiting for any sign that she's still able to form complete sentences.

"No you don't get it. I have Owen. He loves me, and yet I'm choosing to come out here and talk to you instead. I have Owen, and yet I'd rather be around you. Do you understand now?"

As Avery stands there wondering what exactly she's trying to tell him, she decides that it's better to be blunt,

"I want for you…and me…to be friends. I can't do the whole I want you but I have someone else, so let's take things slow and see how far we get ok?"

"If you're doing this so you can get my surgeries and get ahead Yang, that's pretty cruel…"

"And you say I'm dense… I'm trying to see if I can get close enough to you where I won't have to worry about you turning on me. My boyfriend's great, but I don't want to look back ten years from now and wonder 'what if'. I want that chance"

Finally understanding that her feelings for him weren't just to humor his intoxicated state and that there really is more to what they could have than it appears, he lets himself have the first real smile cross his face all day.

"So what you're saying Dr. Yang, is that you think I'm hot and want a shot at me?" he says laughing and instantly sobers up when she raises her eyebrow at his misunderstanding of her words.

"Actually, what I meant was that I won't settle for second best, and I'm wondering if you can keep up to be in first" she says, challenging him to come up with a reply to match hers.

"Oh believe me Dr. Yang, my stamina's spectacular." He gives her a cocky grin and looks her up and down slowly. "Amazing, really" he adds, and moves his eyes back up to meet hers.

"Nice try, but you're not that hot. Go find some other woman to bow down to your greatness" she throws over her shoulder as she moves away from him, sarcasm heavy in her voice.

"Hey! What about that food, I'm starving." He says, trying to get her to spend as much time with him as possible.

"Will said food be free on my part?" she asks turning around, watching as Avery caught up to her.

"Of course Yang, my mom taught me to never let a pretty lady buy her own food if I'm around" he answered, winking at her in the process.

"Well, I guess your mom's right, but if you go around doing that with every woman you encounter, you'll never have enough OR time to pay for those meals." She adds laughing at his unusual logic.

"Just so happens, I only want to buy one gorgeous woman dinner, whether we're just friends or not"

Looking at the honest in his eyes, Cristina could tell that thinking this over was a very good idea.

"Then I guess you're in luck, I just happen to be starving"

"I'm glad"

Review, I'm liking this story a lot so yeah. :]


	4. Friends?

As Cristina sits in the booth with Jackson, she doesn't feel the awkwardness set in like she expected. She thought that they'd sit and stare at each other for minutes at a time, but since they walked to the restaurant from the hospital it was nothing but comfortable silence.

As the waitress came over to take their order, Cristina couldn't help the immeasurable amount of irritation towards the waitress when she tried to flirt with Jackson. _OK, I get that he's hot but that doesn't warrant you sticking your chest in his face. _Waiting for Jackson to take the bait, she was pleasantly surprised that he ordered his food without looking up from his menu. _AHA! He's not even looking, take that blondie._

"Cristina, you know what you want?" he looks up at her and smiles, realizing that she's been watching him the entire time. The waitress turns reluctantly towards Cristina and asks for her order as well, then walks away after smiling at Jackson and swinging her hips just enough that anymore and she'd end up on the floor.

"Wow….." Cristina said, looking at Jackson and starting to laugh.

"What?" Jackson asks, totally oblivious at the attention he just had.

"Really? How you didn't see her trying to smother you with her breasts is beyond me…" Cristina says in an annoyed tone, and all Jackson can do is smile because he realizes that she's jealous that the waitress was trying to flirt with him. He considers calling her out on it, but thinks better of it. _Pissing her off is going to get me nowhere, and I don't think I could handle making her mad when she seems so content. _

After trying to be as patient as possible, Jackson finally gives up and decides to dive into what he wants to know.

"So Yang, how long have you and Hunt been together?" he asks eager to see just how deep her feelings run for him.

"A couple of months. It's been…different from other relationships, but you know…" she says, looking down at her hands on the table remembering everything that involved her and Burke, and now her and Owen. _Why do I always choose the ones with issues for miles? One leaves me at the altar and the other tries to strangle me. _At that thought she winced, remembering how long it took to lick her wounds then and vowing that she'd never get that deep that fast again.

As Jackson watched different emotions play on her face, ranging from sad to happy to hurt, he couldn't help his protective side flare up at the thought that someone would have hurt her. He notices she's reluctant to say more, so he goes into his next question hoping that he wouldn't regret this conversation.

"OK, is he a better kisser?" he asks with a cocky grin on his face, trying to mask the hope that Hunt wasn't. He wasn't one to compete over a taken woman, but something about Cristina made him forget everything that should and shouldn't be done.

Laughing, Cristina tried to give Jackson an honest answer. _Hmm…Owen's kisses are always spontaneous and raw with passion while Jackson's are tender and full of this deeper promise of something more. If I'm being honest with myself, I'd say I want the stability in Jackson's kiss, but the passion in Owens._

"You two are both great kissers, don't ask me to choose right now. Ok?" she asks, pleading with him to stay on a more friendship-safe topic. Giving her an out, Jackson decides to play to her weakness,

"Why cardio Yang? Of all departments, why do you thrive off the rush of a heart?"

Focusing on the wall behind Jackson's head, Cristina got lost in the memory of her father's heart when it stopped beating. She remembered the blood, the fear, and the determination to keep him breathing. Looking back at Jackson across the table, it was the first and probably only time that she would be glad to see the waitress.

"Here's your food, enjoy. If you need _**anything**_, just call me over" she once again walked away swinging her hips and Jackson let out a laugh at the fact that Cristina was a second away from opening the waitress up with a butter knife by the look on her face. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached across the table and grabbed Cristina's hand startling both him as well as her. She locked eyes with him trying to understand what he was doing, and then turned her gaze towards their hands, his still on top of hers, and took comfort in the fact that he did care about the way she was feeling. Leaving her hand where it lay on the table, Cristina looked back up at Jackson to see how he reacted. He looked right back at her almost daring her to pull her hand away all the while rubbing circles on the back of her hand.

"Cardio…there's just a rush about literally holding a person's life in your hands and feeling the beating through your fingertips. It's a high that's like no other"

"Makes sense. You like feeling like the best don't you?" he asks, knowing that her skills back her attitude.

"I am the best. Didn't you get the memo?"

"Must have missed that one. So…you and Meredith Grey are close right?"

Looking at him, Cristina can't help but smile due to Meredith's attempt the other night at being supportive.

_**Flashback**_

"_If he wants to be my person's plus one, I have to know him. I'm making an effort, then he has more than one ally when he fears for his life going into Hunt's OR"_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Oh yeah, she's my person. She's more my family than my mother is." Cristina says laughing, knowing that Meredith understood her issues with mothers.

"You and your mom aren't close? That sucks"

"No, it really doesn't. I prefer it this way. It's easier, honest"

"Alright. Wait…Meredith is your person?" he asked with a confused expression on his face, hoping she'd explain exactly what she meant.

"She's been there for me through everything no matter how bad it was, and we always made up after we fought. She's my person, plain and simple" she says, the note of finality evident in her voice. "That reminds me, Meredith wants to talk to you…"

"Excuse me? Why, what did I do? What did you tell her…" Jackson asks, panicking for a second.

Laughing, Cristina thinks that a conversation with Meredith is exactly what he needs.

"That was cruel Yang, now you owe me…"

"What? Why do I owe you exactly?"

"Because I said so. Now, all I want from you is a dance" he asks as he extends his hand for her to take.

"You've got to be kidding me…" she retorts, but stands anyway knowing that he'll make it a big deal the longer she resists.

The band plays a song that neither one of them recognize, so they are silent as they sway back and forth as they listen to the lyrics.

_Now that we are over  
As the loving kind  
We'll be dreaming ways  
To keep the good alive_

Only when we want is not  
A compromise  
Ill be pouring tears  
Into your drying eyes

Friends, lovers, or nothing  
There can only be one  
Friends, lovers, or nothing  
We'll never be the inbetween  
So give it up

You whisper "Come on over"  
Cause your two drinks in  
But in the morning I will say  
Good-bye again

Think we'll never fall into  
The jealous game  
The streets will flood  
With blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers, or nothing  
There can only be one  
Friends, lovers, or nothing  
We'll never an inbetween  
So give it up

Friends, lovers, or nothing  
We can really only ever be one  
Friends, lovers, or nothing  
Don't you know  
We'll never be the inbetween  
So give it up

No we'll never the inbetween  
So give it up

As the song comes to an end, Jackson realizes that there really is no in between, and knows that no matter how long it takes, he won't give up on Cristina Yang.

Review or else it'll take me twice as long to update! lol Song is Friends, Lovers, or Nothing by John Mayer off his new album!


	5. End Of The Beginning

As Cristina walks up to her apartment, she can't help the smile that spreads over her face. After her dance with Jackson, they went back to the table, got their coats, and went their separate ways, but not without the promise of another 'dinner thing'. As she got to her door, she remembered that she and Owen still had to talk, but she didn't think that she had the energy to endure that kind of fight tonight.

As she sets her keys on the counter, she looks over to the couch where Owen is sitting there, his expression anything but happy.

"So...what took you so long to get home? I thought you only worked until 7 and its….9:30"

"I went to go grab some food with a friend, and I thought you were on call anyway so what does it matter? She answers defensively, knowing that Owen was looking to fight. _So much for not having this conversation tonight... Was it really that much to ask to have this tomorrow?_

"What matters is that I come over to surprise you and you weren't around. I saw Meredith before I left so she wasn't the one you were with so…?"

"I was with a friend, like I said. I get you're in the mood to fight, but I'm not doing this tonight. I'm tired and want to sleep so if you have anything important to say, say it already" she says, hoping that he'll just leave. She loves him a lot, but her being in love with him was something she couldn't definitively answer yes to at the moment.

"I spoke to Teddy…"

"Oh no, I'm so not doing this right now. Leave" she says, pointing to the door knowing that it's never that easy with him.

"No Cristina. I spoke to Teddy, and she said that she was in love with me and I found that I couldn't say that at one time or another that I wasn't in love with her." Despite Cristina's intention of letting Owen give it a try with Desert Storm Barbie, hearing that they both basically professed their love for each other hours' prior still knocked the wind out of her. She stood in front of an anxious looking Owen trying to keep the tears that instantly welled up in her eyes at bay, but finding it hard when this was what she had been looking for all along. An escape and she finally had it. She could yell and scream and cry, but really it was a blessing in disguise that decided to screw with her before she took a chance to get a hold on it.

"So…what did you tell her?"

"I told her I loved you, and she asked whether I just loved you or was in love with you…and I said that I wasn't sure" he says, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck nervously, wondering when she was going to start yelling.

Looking at the obvious pain in his eyes, Cristina thought that it was best to end this before anyone got hurt or said things they didn't mean. She took a deep breath, gathering her words and preparing her both mentally and physically.

"Then go back and tell her you want a chance to explore how deep your feelings are. Tell her that I let you go so you could be happy. Go tell her anything you want, but you have to go. Now, before this becomes harder than it should be," she chokes out, hoping that he doesn't ask questions, but of course she isn't that lucky.

"Cristina…is that what you really want?"

"Don't put this on me Owen! You want an out guilt free; go look somewhere else because nothing is ever that easy. I don't want you to have what ifs, and I think I deserve the same chance…"

"Oh, now I get it, you met someone else that made you want to be single again huh? That's just great Cristina, and here I am feeling like I'm breaking your heart here." He says cutting her off, but running out of energy to keep yelling. He sits on her couch and she sits next to him, unsure of what to do next.

"This isn't how we were supposed to be Cristina; we were supposed to be different"

"We are, but maybe we finally have a chance to go after the people that understand and embrace that. Let's take it and run with it. We will always have a bond, but maybe you just aren't the One for me, and I'm not the One for you. It's okay"

Owen takes Cristina's hand and laces their fingers together, knowing that it was the end of something great, but maybe it was the beginning of something even better.

"So we okay Owen? You can still come to me for stuff if you need too, but for the most part, let her in to you in the After. You both deserve it so don't push her out, can you do that for me?" she asks, sneaking a glance at his face to gauge his reaction.

"Okay, I'll try. Now, answer me my one question; who is it that made you reach the same conclusion as me?" looking down at their hands, she realized that she had to tell him in order for them to get past it and keep working in their After.

"Jackson, Jackson Avery…" he laughs out loud at this, and she considers hitting him with the girly magazine's Callie must have let on the coffee table.

"A Mercy West doctor? I guess I can see it, he's bright and could definitely give you a run for your money," he stopped laughing when he notices the annoyed, borderline homicidal look on her face, "but he's your equal. Don't look at me like that; don't think I didn't notice how much time he spent staring at you from across an operating table or a sick patient, he's got it pretty bad"

Realizing that falling out of love and into friendship with Owen Hunt was much smoother than expected, she felt that it was best that she was honest and not acknowledge his comment.

"Yeah yeah, shut up will ya? Don't think I didn't notice the looks of longing from Bar…Teddy. She's the one that's got it bad. You too actually, just make sure you're happy. If not, I'll take a scalpel to you in your sleep" she joked, noting that he didn't catch her slip at almost calling her Barbie.

Laughing again, he agreed and said that if Avery ever did anything to hurt her, he still wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass in every wing of the hospital. After talking a bit more, Cristina noticed that they made amazing friends, and was glad that he was as supportive of her as she was of him.

"Not to be rude, but some of us still need to be rested to fight for their jobs tomorrow, so I'll see you at work okay?"

"Sure thing Cristina, and remember; let him in. If he's willing to get close then try and trust him. Sleep well."

Owen walked to the front door and closed it behind him. Cristina went and locked the door, then threw herself on her bed waiting for sleep to overtake her.

"I guess that 'let's be friends for now' thing with Jackson was total crap" she said to herself, going back to her ceiling for answers. Knowing that Jackson was going to have some sort of sarcastic comment, she started plotting.

_Now, how to get Mer to corner Jackson…._

Been a bit busy, but the more reviews I get the faster I update….lol :] Send me ideas ppl! I wanna write other types of stories for them


	6. Lying Pillows

I really enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy reading it! No one is mine, but it's almost my b-day so maybe I'll get them then! Yeah I know, so not happening…. :[

Walking into the hospital the next morning, Cristina couldn't help but actually be in a relatively good mood. Despite the fact that she was now boyfriend-less, she was extremely content. The only thing that seemed to be keeping her slightly cautious for what was ahead that day was Meredith and Jackson (Obviously not together, but each of them respectively). She was caught between locking Jackson in a closet and making him sit and talk to Mer, and telling her to back off and leave Jackson alone. As she entered the elevator barely realizing what was going on around her, another person stepped into the elevator that was interested in bringing her attention back to the present. As Jackson Avery got onto the elevator, he couldn't help but stand directly in front of Cristina. _Hey, it's not my fault I like being as close as humanly possible._

"Good morning Cristina" Jackson said, smile ever so present on his arrogant face.

"Doctor Avery" she answered, smirking at the look of disappointment on his face with his bottom lip jutted out just a little. "Relax will you? It's not like I called you a gremlin" she finished rolling her eyes at his childish antics.

"So? It's still a bit weird calling you by your full title when I've thought about having my tongue in your mouth, or maybe it's just that goddamn hot…" he said with a thoughtful expression on his face, smiling as he looked her up and down a little too slowly to be joking.

Feeling her ears get hot, Cristina backed up into the elevator wall, trying to put as much space as she could between herself and Jackson. As if fate were trying to crack her resolve, he got even closer to her as she leaned back against the wall. She could feel his body heat through his shirt and had the sudden urge to see if his abs were as fit as they appeared to be. She stopped herself just in time because doing that would make his ego the size of Canada. Trying to focus on anything but their proximity, Cristina finally found her words,

"Is there something I can do for you Doctor Avery, or do you just enjoy feeling up your coworkers?" she asked, finally giving in to the temptation to put her hands on his chest acting as if at any second she would push him away.

Moving his hands to cage her between himself and the wall he replied,

"Me, feeling up a coworker? I think you've finally lost it Cristina because last time I checked, it was your hands on my chest, not the other way around unless of course you're offering…" he laughs at the expression on Cristina's face, one mixed between hitting him and something else.

"No I'm not offering because elevators are McDreamy's thing and just contemplating what has taken place in here gives me the creeps. Plus, we're almost there so unless you want me to let Owen move you…"

Jackson scrambled to get himself in the farthest corner of the elevator he could, and just leaned against the wall watching Cristina. Finally working up the nerve to ask her the question that's been on his mind, Jackson starts uncertainly,

"You wouldn't really let Hunt hurt me would you? I mean, I get that he's your boyfriend and all but that's kind of messed up." He watched as a strange look appeared on her face quickly replaced by what he now recognizes as poorly disguised laughter.

"No, I would never let Owen hurt you unless you hurt me first. Then, you're fair game" she said laughing a little, remembering Owen's promise to her. "Believe me, you'll be okay." She debated on whether to voice her thoughts and decided to wait until the elevator was almost to their floor.

"By the way, Owen has no right to come after you when I think about it…" she started to walk out of the doors throwing one last thought for him to mull over for the rest of the day,

"After all, it's not like he's not my boyfriend anymore" and she strode purposefully away from the elevator, leaving behind a dumbfounded Jackson in her wake. Smiling to herself, Cristina couldn't wait to find Meredith and tell her just how much she needed her to stay away from Jackson; only because she wanted to enjoy the simplicity of things for as long as she could.

_On call that night_

Finally getting the chance to stop and rest, Jackson all but ran to the nearest on call room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw both Cristina and Meredith talking to each other on one of the beds.

"My bad, I'll be leaving now…"

Meredith got up off the bed and made a grab for the door, effectively stopping Jackson from leaving.

"No Doctor Avery, I was just leaving. Actually, can I talk to you for a second outside?" as she said this she ignored Cristina's pointed stare and waited for Jackson outside the on call room. Turning to Cristina, he asked what was up, but all she would tell him was that she had no idea and to just go. After she said this however, she mumbled to herself under her breath about something like boundaries, privacy, and elevators. _Hmm… I think I should be scared, but I'm not entirely sure. Oh crap._

Turning to Meredith outside in the hallway, he waited to hear what it was he did to warrant a conversation with her.

Crossing her arms, Meredith tried to figure out how to word exactly what she wanted to say, all the while enjoying the amount of nervousness that seemed to surround Avery. Finally finding the correct words to say, she turned to Avery,

"I'm only going to say this once so you better listen; Cristina is stronger than anyone I know, but will wait until something that is bothering her destroys her before she decides to deal with it. If you want any chance to stick around and be her plus one you better try to get her to open up and trust you because it's what she deserves. I haven't gotten to know you, but we'll have our chance to really talk later. Go in there and tell her I asked for an opinion on a patient and just be with her. After everything that's happened, she deserves someone that embraces her confidence and gives her that extra push she needs to be great. Good luck Avery and don't worry, she's not the only one that's on your side" she finished her speech and smiled at him, then left him to do as she said. Avery was still standing in the same place, wondering how the hell the day became so good and stayed that way. _First I get Cristina alone in the elevator where she tells me that she's now single, then I get the Ok from her best friend to be there for her like I want to be, and now I actually get the chance to show her. Thank you God, I can die happy. Actually on second thought, wait a couple years because I want to enjoy it all. _Finishing his internal pep talk, he walked back into the on call room to find Cristina laying on her back staring at the bottom of the bunk above her.

"Trying to find the eighth wonder of the world Cristina?" he asks, loving the ability he has to just take her in when her defenses are down. He still leans against the door and waits as she finally decides to acknowledge that he did speak and sit up to answer him.

"Yeah well, it's what I do in the many hours of free time I have" she answers, annoyed, looking at him as if she was trying to will him not to ask anymore dumb questions.

"My bad, mind if I sit down?" he asks, getting ready to sit next to her if she lets him.

Cristina points to her right side and Jackson sits down wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"It'll keep me from falling off by myself when you decide to push me off later" was his answer to her raised eyebrow, and all she could do was laugh because it sounded like something she would do.

Letting the silence surround them, Cristina couldn't help but ask what Meredith had wanted to ask him.

"Just wanted my opinion on a patient's course of treatment, no big"

"Why the hell would Mer want your advice?"

"She just did, I don't know. She's cool so it's not like I mind" after hearing Jackson say that she was cool, Cristina felt better about Meredith getting along with him. Leaning her head against his shoulder, she realized that she could fall asleep if she wanted and didn't have to be afraid of what would happen. She relaxed and sunk into his body, wrapping both of her hands around his back. Realizing that Cristina was on the verge of falling asleep, he reached down and tucked her hair behind her ear, much like how he did the night of the surprise party and kissed the top of her head. Resting his head on top of hers he started to drift off, loving the fact that she was comfortable enough with him to sleep in the same bed together. Running his hands up and down her back, Cristina moved in her sleep and mumbled something into his shirt.

Laughing, he asked her what she said and she replied,

"Thanks for being a sucky liar and a great pillow" and fell into a restful sleep along with Jackson at her side.

Read and review por favor, I love this story!!! If I get at least 3 reviews, there will be another chapter by Friday and if there are more than 5 then I will get a new one up by Wednesday at the latest :]


	7. Bite Me

Alright, I'm sorry but I lied people :[ this was probably my favorite chapter to write, or I'm just fickle and like them all at different times lol :] Still not mine, but whatever. Read, enjoy, and review!

At about midnight, Cristina tries to roll her body over to get comfortable but wakes up due to the restriction of said action. Instead, she finds herself wrapped around one handsome doctor that seems to be just as fascinating in his sleep as he is when he's awake. She sits up slightly, and watches as Jackson's form moves to accommodate her shift and settles back into the mattress. She sits and stares at the way his body seems to release this inner tension that makes him seem more carefree and his arms wrapped protectively around a pillow due to her movements. She wonders just how much she should be enjoying watching him sleep when her brain finally catches up with her; _I just fell asleep in a man's arms and had one of the best rests in months. Either this is the unhealthiest thing because he makes me forget everything else, or he's a pretty stable person to lean on. Oh god, smuggle me now. _Sensing that he needed a few more hours asleep, Cristina was faced with an increasingly interesting predicament. She was laying facing Jackson, and he was on the edge of the bed facing her and the wall, making it impossible for her to get up unless she A) climbed over him B) woke him up and got him to move, or C) fly. Since flying out of the room and waking him up wasn't an option, she had to figure a way to get over him as gently as possible. _Just great, how the hell do I get over him without him waking up or me injuring him? _

Cristina finally figured out a way to get off of the bed, but if he woke up would be an extremely embarrassing situation for them both. Deciding to swallow her pride and get out of the on call room, Cristina slowly got on her knees and placed one on each side of his body, effectively straddling him. She paused making sure that he was indeed still asleep, and just started to move off the bed when she was caught off guard by his mumbling and froze. Jackson turned on his back and started to stir when he noticed a very red looking Cristina Yang covering his body. Gathering his wits, he finally noticed something that didn't seem to register in his brain before hand; _Cristina is straddling me, and staring at me with an 'Oh crap' expression. This is one hell of a way to wake up if you ask me. _Deciding that he rather liked them in this particular situation, he boldly placed his hands on her slender hips trapping her against him, and thought that saying anything at the moment was in his best interest.

"I thought we talked about this Cristina; feeling up a coworker is only permitted when both are active participants" he said winking at her, noticing her ears get red just like they did the day before. He sat up a little bit, bringing her with him so she was fully straddling his lap, not feeling very embarrassed anymore.

"Yeah yeah, I just didn't want to wake you up. But since you're up, let's go" she said as she tried to get out of his grasp, but only resulted in him tightening his grip and pulling her forward so her hands were on either side of his head.

"Actually, I like this, so let's not and just say we did" he said smirking, knowing that her resolve wouldn't last much longer.

"Fine whatever. But if anyone comes in and asks why the hell I was on your lap, you're a dead man got that Doctor Avery" she asked, knowing that his full title would get on his nerves.

"Alright Yang, you wanna be like that? Fine by me, let the games begin" he said, and at her questioning glance took hold of her tighter and used his strength to flip them over so he now loomed dangerously close to Cristina's face, almost close enough to kiss her.

Grabbing a hold of his arms out of shock due to their change in position, Cristina didn't have enough fight in her to try and pretend that she didn't want to be this close to him anymore. Relaxing against the pillows, she looked back at him wondering if kissing him right now would be the right thing to do.

Noticing the thoughtful expression on her face, Jackson asked her what was on her mind.

"Stuff. Don't worry about it. Now can I please go back to work before they send out a search party? Or would you rather stay here and keep me as your hostage?" seeing his smile that closely resembled a Cheshire grin, she backtracked.

"On second thought, don't answer that. We have work to do, and aren't you on Barbie's service today?"

Laughing at her nickname for the new cardio attending, he shook his head and wondered what other things could make her an even more interesting individual to him. He finally let her up off the bed, settling for standing extremely close behind her.

"Yeah I am, but so are you remember? You're stuck with me all day. "

Mumbling under her breath and only being able to make out 'of course I am', Jackson asked her to repeat herself to which she replied,

"If you really wanted to know you should get a hearing aid, otherwise let me talk to myself" and with that she reached for the door getting ready to enter the work environment once again.

As a last minute gesture to see exactly where Cristina's head was at, Jackson put his hand over hers on the door knob, making her pause with anticipation. He slowly spun her around so her back was pressed against the door and he hovered no more than two inches from her body. Leaning in as if to kiss her; she closed her eyes in anticipation, only to be disappointed when she realized that he wanted to whisper something in her ear.

"Cristina, for the past four days I've debated on whether or not to be completely honest with you and it's finally reached a point where I have to come clean." He pauses to make sure she is listening, than pulls his face back so he can look her in the eyes.

"I care about you, more than I think I should at this point, but every time I stop to think my thoughts always come back to you. I take a breather before I enter the OR and I remember an amazing surgery you did earlier that week. I try to sit and eat lunch only to have you across the cafeteria laughing at some joke your friends made and wishing I could be there laughing with you. Believe me, I've tried to stop thinking about you, I really have, but nothing I do can stop me from wanting to be that person next to you, holding you at your weakest moment or celebrating your latest victory. I want to be there for all of it and it's driving me insane. Seeing you with Hunt was unbearable, but knowing you're within my reach and I wasn't man enough to say anything was heartbreaking" he said, out of breath and waiting for her to say anything because he was beginning to regret opening his mouth at all.

Cristina on the other hand, was trying to grasp at any emotion she could before she decided to do what her heart was telling her, which was to cry at the tenderness of his admission and kiss him again with everything she has. Instead, she decided that being honest with him was the best way to start things out this time around,

"I care for you too, don't think I don't because I do. But Jackson, there are things that have happened that will change the way you look at me, and you will leave or we will grow apart just like I have with everyone else. I don't want to take that risk and be alone and you deserve more than I can give"

"Cristina, haven't you figured out that I just want you? I'll take anything you can give and give you just as much. Don't worry about me, I just want to be happy and I'm pretty sure I can be happy with you" he said smiling, leaning down to brush a light kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"Just trust me okay? Give me a chance to prove that I am different and I promise I won't disappoint you, or at least try my hardest okay?"

Finally giving into the urge to kiss him, Cristina leans forward and captures his lips with hers, pressing her body into his savoring the warmth he offered. He presses her back harder against the door and lets his hands snake around her waist as she wound her hands around his neck. As he slowly traced his tongue along her lower lip, he played with the hair at the nape of her neck which both surprised and thrilled her. How his hand made its way up to her neck was anybody's guess, but that action caused her to gasp which gave him the entrance into her mouth. He hesitantly pressed his tongue against hers, and then deepened their kiss further when he felt her eagerly respond. She pulled him as close as physically possible and felt him lift her left leg to wrap around his waist. As they broke apart, he trailed hot open mouthed kisses to her neck and sucked hard on her pulse point. That nip of pain is what cleared her head and forced her to push him away gently.

"Hey! If that becomes a hickey, your ass is mine Jackson" she threatened, but he knew he wasn't in that much trouble when she smiled and laid her head in the crook of his neck. Just as he was about to make a wise crack about his ass, he felt a sharp pain on his neck and yelped as he felt her trace her teeth mark with her tongue.

"Cristina that's not fair!"

"Life's not fair Jackson, but at least we match" she said smiling, taking advantage of the dazed look on his face to slip out of the room, subconsciously rubbing her neck as she went.

Review people! My story will go one of two ways so unless you review I will come up with more options that will keep me from updating :] 5 or more updates and there will be another one by Friday. More than 10 and I will do 2 chapters!!!! Hope you liked it!


	8. It's Back All of It

The next few days passed in a blur for both Cristina and Jackson, neither having enough time to catch each other for even a moment, despite Christmas being that Friday. It was Tuesday already, and it was the first time in four days that they've seen each other. Walking out of the locker room, Cristina glances tiredly at the automatic doors in front of her and smiles when she sees Jackson standing there waiting for her. Watching him as she got closer, she noticed that he visibly relaxed and let a smile pass over his face and reach for her.

"Hey you," he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him. Cristina let him pull her closer, all the while leaning into his touch not caring who saw at. They stood in the entrance way to the hospital for several minutes just drawing comfort from each other, trying to convey how they were feeling without words. As Jackson pulled away, Cristina laced their fingers together and began walking them outside.

"Look, I'm tired. I want to spend some time with you, but I don't think I have the energy to do anything but sleep until tomorrow"

"I feel ya; I could sleep on the sidewalk if I sat for too long. I'm dying for a bed and a pillow, but the on call rooms are only so good." Letting go of her hand, Jackson decides to walk backwards in front of Cristina so he can look at her as they talk, hoping to get a laugh out of her. He starts doing a weird step dance sort of thing that makes Cristina actually giggle, and he vows to himself to elicit that type of response from her as much as he possibly can.

"Did you just giggle?"

"No I didn't, and no I'm never doing that again. Now resume your spastic steps Lord of the Dance" she finished laughing, not noticing as another figure approached in their general direction. Jackson goes on dancing; both oblivious to the person rooted to their spot by memories of before, and gets run into by one Jackson Avery.

"I'm so sorry; I should look where I'm going. Are you okay sir?" he asked as the man stared straight at Cristina with this intensity that confused him until he really looked at Cristina. She was frozen in her spot a few feet away from him, and had a mixture of shock, hurt, and anger that flashed over her beautiful features.

"Cristina, you okay? You look a little pale…" he said, starting to worry about her. Noticing that she either couldn't hear him or decided to blatantly ignoring him, he turned to the stranger that he had bumped into. He noticed that the man was staring intently at Cristina with a smirk, almost as if he knew something Jackson didn't.

"I'm sorry; I didn't catch your name?"

"That's because I didn't offer it" the man answered dismissively, but Jackson refused to let himself get swept aside at the moment.

"I'm Dr. Jackson Avery, and you are…."

He looked between the man and Cristina as the man opened his mouth, but was cut off by Cristina. It was the first time in the past few minutes that Cristina had looked at anything but this stranger, only to look down at her shoes. Taking a deep breath, she looked up to meet Jackson's questioning gaze, hoping this was just a chance meeting and will never happen again.

Deciding that his introduction was taking too long, the stranger managed to get out his title in the same breath Cristina did.

"Dr. Preston Burke"

Please don't hurt me! But they really did need a conflict and I just couldn't make Owen the bad guy. read and review please, and check out my other story for Cristina/Jackson, A Different After


	9. Too Much Too Soon

Walking into Cristina's apartment, Jackson couldn't help but feel his anger well inside of him. Cristina just walked away from this Preston person and grabbed his hand while dragging him to her apartment. He had no idea why, but he knew that something had changed tonight. _Who the hell is this guy? Ex-boyfriend? Lover? I can understand the awkwardness, but what was with the silent treatment? I don't even know who this guy is and yet I feel like I'm the one that did something wrong. _Jackson spun on his heel and faced an exhausted looking Cristina collapsed on her couch. He remembered the apartment from the party, but all he was worried about was why there was so much tension and unasked questions hanging in the air.

Kneeling in front of Cristina, Jackson sat back on his heels and decided to break the ice since she wasn't willing to do it.

"Cristina, will you please say something?" he asked exasperated from the silent treatment and dying for any answers he could get.

"He's here. Why is he here?" she said more to herself than him, and that's when he started to panic. _So it is an ex boyfriend. Why the hell won't she just say it then? I get having an ex pop up, but nothing that warrants that type of blatant tension and confusion... Oh shit, she still wants him! God, I'm such a fucking idiot…_

Finally mustering up the courage to tell him everything, Cristina was confused to find him on his feet and heading for the door.

"Jackson, where the hell are you going?" she asked him, getting up just in case she had to go after him. _I've never run after a man, and yet I'm willing to run after him. Yeah, things are definitely different this time._

"I'm leaving Cristina; I know when I'm not wanted. I just would have appreciated something more than silence from you to tell me it's over, whatever this is." He said, waving his left hand in the space between them.

"What are you talking about" she asked genuinely confused, wondering where all of this was coming from.

"Don't play dumb Cristina, it doesn't suit you…"

"Excuse me?"

"Your boyfriend out there; Preston Burke? Did you really think I'd be okay just standing there as you stare at your boyfriend? I thought you knew me at least a little bit better than that."

"Jackson will you just stop? He's not my boyfriend, I thought that was you. As for Burke, he's from before" flinching when she called him her boyfriend, Jackson wanted to just focus on that and how happy that made him, but he knew she could just be saying that to get his anger to subside.

"Yeah I got that. You know, when he refused to stop staring at you?" he said irritated, hating the way the man seemed to stare right through her.

"No, I really don't think you understand. Yes he was my boyfriend, but" she rushed knowing that he could try to cut her off again, "there was more to it than that. He was _the _boyfriend" she stressed the word the, hoping she wouldn't have to verbally tell him all the details.

"Yes your boyfriend. Saying it multiple times isn't going to stop my stomach from churning each time…" he answered, deliberately being stubborn because he knew that there were things that she wasn't telling him, and it made him uneasy.

"Shut up, damn! That was the Preston Burke, soon to make me Mrs. Dr. Preston Burke. He left me on our wedding day saying that this wasn't who I was. He didn't want to make me change, despite all the changing I had already done. He didn't even say goodbye!" she yelled through her tears, opening a wound she thought was long healed.

"He didn't even come back to get his things! He sent his mother to get them for him. I haven't seen him since the almost wedding until tonight, so sorry if it was awkward for you. My apologies" she ended bitterly, looking angrily at him.

After staring at her in shock, all he could do was look at her, really look at her. Her clothes were wrinkled from the day and her hair was messed up due to her running her hands through it the entire night. On top of all of that, he saw her puffy eyes from crying and her makeup that ran down her face. All he wanted to do was hold her and tell her that he was going to be there for her, but he couldn't find the strength to attempt it. _He was her fiancé, she was almost married… I can't do this right now; it's just too much at one time._

"Cristina…" it was all that came out of his mouth and she looked up at him expectantly, waiting for whatever it was that was running through his mind.

"Cristina…I can't do this right now. I'm sorry" he said, and turned towards her door again and shut it behind him as he left.

Walking over to her door, she put her hand on the doorknob as if to go after him, but dissolved into a fit of tears, slowly sinking to the ground. She leant her back against the door, unaware of the emotional turmoil that was on the other side. Sitting with his back against her door, Jackson could hear her sobs and couldn't contain the few tears that escaped him. He wanted to be there for her, but couldn't be what she needed at that moment. He kept crying finally letting down his walls and trying to come to terms with what he had walked into. Hanging his head in his hands, he heard Cristina's breath deepen and even out so he stood. As he walked into the night air, he couldn't help the last few tears that were shed. The tears were for Cristina, for him, and for their future.

So, what do you think? I think there's a long road ahead, but you never know unless you review :)


	10. More Than Memories

Ok, I get that it's been forever, but I just suddenly had inspiration hit me upside the head so I'm back! Review please, it'll keep me on track :]

Work the next few days was basically Cristina going through the motions of her normal work. She was quiet during rounds and didn't feel the need to fight for any surgeries. She saw Jackson a few times and every time she had the sudden urge to either run into the nearest room or yell at him for leaving her just like everyone else. Burke seemed to be at the hospital for the organ harvest of a brain dead car crash victim. He tried to catch Cristina quite a few times during his stay, but she always managed to slip either out of the room or out of sight completely. Meredith hadn't been any help to him either, nor her boyfriend Derek Shepard. He wondered why Cristina would act so childish, but he dismissed it as her not being able to handle the present as a mature adult. He went on with his surgery, but was lucky to catch just a passing glance as she headed into an on call room. He decided that he wanted them to talk, and wasn't going to leave Seattle until they did, so bravely setting his shoulders; he walked in to the on call room behind her and leaned against the door so she couldn't run from him anymore. He watched as she lay unmoving on the bed and remembered how many times they had lain in bed together before. He knew it was wrong of him to expect a welcoming of some sort from her, but it didn't make the sting of her dismissive attitude towards him any less painful. After a few minutes of a tense, unmoving silence, Cristina rolled over to face the one problem that took every ounce of energy she had left; she stared at his unmoving frame, and watched the muscles in his jaw clench and unclench, fighting with the words that she knew were waiting on the tip of his tongue. Sitting up, she motioned for him to sit on the bed across from her, not even waiting for him to sit down before she chose to start their soon- to- be painful conversation.

"So Burke, how'd it feel winning the Harper Avery?" she asked in a sarcastic manner, feeling the familiar ache in her chest just as powerful as the first time she had laid eyes on the article. All of the emotions that that one article seemed to bring back refreshed all the hurt and anger she was trying to repress in order to feign calm indifference.

Sighing, Preston took off his glasses and slid to the edge of the mattress he was sitting on to be as close to Cristina as possible, only to realize that she had pulled away from him completely to lean against the opposite wall.

"Cristina, I know that you're upset but please try to be reasonable…"

"Reasonable? Burke, in case you hadn't noticed, what I did to help you get your career back on track and risk my reputation at the hospital you left me at wasn't exactly reasonable. And don't think for a minute you have any clue as to how I'm feeling because it's been quite some time since you've actually given a damn about me" she said with more venom than he thought he deserved, but held his tongue because continuing this particular fight would just have them talking in circles.

"Cristina, I left because I thought you deserved better. You and I both know that you didn't want to get married in the white gown and in front of so many people. I did what I thought was best and don't regret my decision, all I regret is leaving without knowing if you really did love me, or loved the idea of us together" he said sadly, looking Cristina in the eyes only to see an intensity he hasn't seen in some time. But instead of it igniting a passion in him that made him want to kiss her, it made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end and made his muscles tense.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean! Do you think I said yes because I was blinded by your skill? You really are an ass Burke, and you really don't know me at all. I said yes because I loved you, but you coming back here after all this time has caused more hurt than anything and I won't ever forgive you" she said frantically, images of Owen and Jackson flashing in the forefront over her mind and seem to just add fuel to the fire.

"I was finally able to find a guy that loved me for me and what I had to offer, and I love him for who he is as a person first before a surgeon" she said and choked on her next sentence because she just admitted out loud that she does indeed love Jackson. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pressed on knowing that she had to get certain things out into the open.

"I learned from my mistakes with both you and Owen. I want to love and be loved in return, and I thought I had found that until a few days ago"

"What do you mean Cristina? No one will ever love you as much as I did…"

"That's just it! You _did _love me a lot, but he loves me completely even with my trust issues and my need to be the best because he's just like me" she said, her body seeming to deflate as she realized that Preston Burke no longer held power over her, but was a means to completely open herself up to Jackson.

"You will always be the man I almost married, but I want Jackson to be the man that doesn't have that almost attached to my memories of him. I want him to be more than a memory, and you being here just hurts that and us" she sighed, and watched as Burke leaned back slightly, as if to figure out if she was being serious. Knowing that Burke would need more of a final statement of what they are to each other, she got up and headed for the door. As she reached for the handle she turned back to him for what she hoped to be the very last time.

"Burke, you'll always have a place in my heart but your place isn't Seattle anymore. Go home, it's best for everyone" and she walked out without a second thought, knowing that the part of her past that kept holding her back was finally letting her go for good.

Burke watched as Cristina walked away from him, and felt nothing but a content feeling wash over him.

"Good luck Cristina. Hope he gives you everything I couldn't"

Later lAter laTer latEr lateR----------------

As the day went on, Cristina couldn't help but smile as often as she could. She kept getting odd looks but couldn't have cared less because she was rid of Burke and the only person that understood what a big deal that was, was Meredith. She was almost as happy as Cristina, but knew that until Jackson was in on their joy that everything wasn't ok just yet.

"You gonna tell him? 'Cause I'm scrubbing in on a surgery with him this afternoon and I don't think I can keep this all to myself"

"If it comes up, go ahead. I don't know how to approach him with this, so maybe that'll be best. Just make sure he knows it's over ok?" Cristina nearly pleaded, which was weird beyond belief for Meredith.

"No problem. Go home, I think things will be better before you know it" she said smiling as she made her way to surgery, leaving Cristina to her thoughts.

Walking into the gallery watching the surgery before her own, she spotted Jackson in a corner and decided that sooner was better than later.

"You have sex or something 'cause you're just a little to smiley right now…" he asked skeptically as she sat down next to him.

"No I didn't, but since you mentioned it I'll tell you why I'm so happy" she said, knowing that he was only getting half of the truth, but knew that half was all he needed to understand a few things.

"Burke is gone and Cristina told him everything she was feeling. She told me it was liberating and I'm just happy that part of her life won't make a spontaneous reappearance anytime soon" she said smiling, knowing that that alone had piqued Jackson's interest more than he cared to admit.

"Really, huh… Glad she got everything out in the open" he said trying to be as nonchalant as possible, but failing miserably.

"And now she's on her way home to drown herself in wine and tapes of surgeries. Not how I'd end my day but whatever…"

He looked at her and then back down to the surgery, knowing that it was taking all of his self control to stay in his seat and not race through the hospital to find Cristina. Getting annoyed at his lack of action, Meredith decided that being blunt was just what he needed.

"Jackson, go get her and tell her you love her already. I paged Alex on my way down here and he'll cover for you if you wanna…" before she could even finish her sentence, Jackson was out of his seat and out the door going to go find Cristina she presumed.

"Now who'll be all smiley from sex tomorrow…" she said as she settled in to watch her boyfriend operate, knowing that there would be all kind of details for her tomorrow.


	11. AN Important

I know people hate author notes in stories, I do too, but I felt this had to be done. I made a Tumblr so you can follow me and keep up on what I'm writing, what I'm thinking, and take an active role in what I post on FanFic.

For my GA readers: I get it, I take wayyyyyyyy too long to update my one active story, but I can't write smut and really don't intend to start now. If anyone wants to collab on that one chapter, follow me and we'll brainstorm some way where it is sexy, but still tasteful. Please don't give up on me. :]

For everyone else that stumbled upon this, read my stories and follow me on Tumblr b/c I love getting more people behind me and the reviews are awesome! Bye for now :]

http:/fadingintoyou2 .tumblr. com/


	12. Playing With Fire

Ok, so the only reason I didn't update was because I was stuck between having someone help me write a graphic scene or alluding to it in my own way. I decided on one, so continue to find out what my choice was, and I have either one more chapter, or another chapter and an epilogue for this one. **I'd like to write for them again, so if you'd like a story with them again, contact me in any way to let me know, and I'll either write it for you with your ideas or dedicate it to you with my ideas**. **Sorry I've been MIA, but at least I have an honest reason, and not a bogus one :]** Review!

* * *

It took him less than twenty minutes to change and make his way to Cristina's door, and the only thing that kept him from knocking was his insecurities. He knew that he cared deeply for her ever since they kissed, and it had only intensified since then. He knew she felt…something for him, but it wasn't enough to make him just come out and profess his love for her. He had a Cristina moment and paced, but finally decided that he'd never know if he didn't try; Meredith told him to come to her, and he intended to take her up on her random act of matchmaking.

Knocking hesitantly at her door, Jackson couldn't but help the way his stomach flipped at the knob turning, then making an abrupt drop as he saw her in only a long Stanford t-shirt that came to maybe mid thigh. The deep breath he took to prepare himself was lost in a quick exhale as he willed any type of thought process to invade him again. He watched her surprised expression morph into one of content as she stepped back, wine glass in hand, and made her way back to her room. As he watched her sway away from him and into her room, he got flashbacks from the first time they kissed and felt the presence of mind to move as he locked the door and shed his jacket before following her.

He watched from her doorway as she moved to sit on her bed, his pulse spiking as he noticed her shirt slide up to reveal more of her toned legs to him. She sat back with a remote in hand, watching him with a confused look before she finally spoke.

"Are you slow all of a sudden, or is your body in working order?" she asked with no sarcasm, just a hint of confusion. It seemed to wake him from his stupor all the same.

"Believe me, all my parts are in tip top shape Dr. Yang" he said teasing her, "Care to have a look?" he asked innocently before he decided it was now or never.

Before she could respond, he boldly grabbed the bottom of his shirt up and over his head to reveal defined abs that made her pulse jump as well. He dropped his shirt and smiled a shy flirtatious look as he made his way to the end of her bed, about four feet from her entire body. He held his laughter in at first at the way her eyes devoured his torso, but felt hot in all the right places as he saw the raw hunger in her eyes. She finally met his gaze, and knew that they wouldn't talk if they continued to play with fire like this.

"Seems like everything's ok for now"

"So, you gonna keep staring or are we going to keep avoiding this thing between us?" he motioned between then, sitting on her bed then moving to roll on his right side to mimic the pose she just shifted into. She felt him get close to her, and couldn't help the way she looked him over, knowing he knew.

"I told him to leave Jackson, he's letting me go again" she said with no bitterness in her voice, just relief.

"So…he just up and left?"

"Yeah pretty much"

"Good, I preferred it when this relationship consisted of just you and me anyway" he commented as he boldly placed left hand on her hip, feeling the thin t-shirt under his fingertips. She shivered, but rested her hand over his, feeling him flex underneath her.

"And when did this become a relationship?"

"The night you called me your boyfriend" he answered immediately, and then they both winced as the rest of the night hit them like a freight train.

"You do know I'm sorry right?" he asked out of the blue, catching her off guard.

"For what? I'm the one that has every guy and his mother dropping in on me"

"No, for making you think that I could be like every other man you've dated. I…care for you, but I didn't have a stable enough back story with you to take it in stride. I'm sorry I made you doubt me"

"I'm sorry I doubted you too, because we got started way too fast and way too deep to make it all any more graceful than it was"

"Do you regret how deep and fast this 'thing' is?" he asked hurt, knowing he shouldn't be surprised at her answer.

"No, it just took me a while to come to terms with what I have and what I want. I know now that this _relationship_ is worth it, trust me" she said sincerely, scooting closer to his still naked chest, reveling in the warmth he provided.

He wrapped his arms around her small frame and held her close as he realized there really wasn't much else they could say. They had the ability to forgive one another to speed up the healing process, not drag out the heartfelt apologies they knew the other one had. They laid in companionable silence, listening to the others breathing and occasionally brushing their hands down the others back or squeeze the others hips. Cristina finally let her hormones take over as she lifted her head and gave Avery a heated kiss.

He took it one step further by rolling over half on top of her, pulling her hands with him to lace in his own. He pulled her hands above her head as he dipped the lower half of his body to connect with hers, and both of them moaned with anticipation. He released one of her hands to gently pull her neck up to him, moving his mouth to her neck, biting and lick teasing her before she brought him back to her. She kissed him hard as she ran her tongue across his lower lip, finally gaining access to his mouth as she slipped her tongue in to massage his. He moaned low in his throat and she felt it through her shirt as she pulled him closer.

He molded his body to hers as he held her neck and slowly brought his other hand up and down her body, pausing only to feel the skin of her thigh in his hand. He slowly moved his hand with her shirt upwards as he continued to kiss her, separating slowly from her lips for air. As he pulled slightly away from her lips to her neck, he lightly pressed kissed to her ear and neck.

"I love you Cristina" he sighed, nuzzling her neck, and froze as he realized just what he let slip. He felt her stiffen up as well, and her hands went limp from his back and neck as she stared up at him in amazement.

"What, wait- what did you just say?" she stuttered out, hoping he didn't just say it in the heat of the moment.

"I uh…I love…you. I love you Cristina" he whispered, stumbling and then confidently getting it out, apprehensively looming over her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She took a moment to process his words before leaning back and closing her eyes. He was just about to get off of her and leave when she grabbed his neck again and rested her forehead against his.

"I love you too" she whispered in an almost inaudible tone, but he felt it in every part of his body, as well as his soul. He let a grin break out over his face as he brought her in for a tender kiss, letting her know it was more than what they could put into words. He leaned into her again as she pulled him down once again, this time actively looking for the button on his jeans. He grabbed her hands in his and pulled back to look her in the eye.

"Are you sure about this Cristina? I know I want this, but I need to know you want this just as much" he said.

She stared at him thoughtfully as she took her hands back and traced the lines of his face with her finger tips.

"I don't just want you Jackson; I think you may actually be the first man I am willing to need"

He smiled once again at her, and brought his hands to the hem of her shirt, slowly pushing it up her thighs. She tried to hurry him along, but was playfully sidetracked as he was determined to take his time.

"We can go fast any time, for tonight I want to memorize all of you and show you what it's really like to make love" he said into the skin of her collarbone, feeling more than hearing her surrender.

"Ok, but if you don't meet expectations we'll be having some serious problems Dr. Avery" she said, stressing his title to aggravate him, but having it backfire on her.

"Oh believe me Dr. Yang; you won't even remember your name when I'm through with you" he replied in a husky tone that made her temperature rise and her pulse race. He continued with his slow assault on her senses as they explored each other through the night and into the morning, despite the knowledge of having to work the very next day.


	13. ending

Ok, so due to lack of response to my last chapter, I've decided to end this story where it is. I have, however, come up with a new story idea that I'm writing as we speak and will be up around tomorrow afternoon at the latest. That story will be updated regularly once a week, probably on a Sunday, so please look for it and review more often so I don't kill it like this one lol.


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